Personal – A whole new life

There’s been a sensation welling up inside of me to share my testimony since I came back from impact volumes; and I have with many close friends and family here and there in easily digestible nutshells, but I am not a public speaker in any sense of the word and I don’t think I could get all this out in a microphone at my home church so God gave me the idea that I could write it out instead and those that need to be encouraged would find it and receive it.

I’m so overjoyed and amazed at what God has done for me but if I were to just tell the exciting, happy part now, a part of me I think would feel devastated inside that no one else really understands the magnitude of what it means. No one knew the whole back story of what I was dealing with behind closed doors, or every word that was spoken over me in the past three years. So I’m going to write about it, and it’s not going to be a straightforward and simple concise blog, but more like a scrap book timeline of words and events and things that have all compiled to bring me to where I am today. Fair warning, I struggled with the idea of letting everyone know about this in depth story of mine because it’s such an uncomfortable and private matter to talk about, but when I said to God – in my mind – how would I tell everyone something so personal like this? He said the woman with the issue of blood was a really private and personal problem as well, but look at how impactful her story is. The same thing that she needed to heal her, healed you. Faith.

And then I suddenly had no more excuses.

To begin with, I don’t remember the exact date (it was around Oct. 2020) but I do remember this morning. Cohen was still sleeping and I went in his room to wake him up. He woke up with almost tears in his eyes asking “where the babies were?” and I said “Babies, what babies?” and he said “your babies, I saw two really cute babies – one boy and one girl and you had them in the bathroom – they were soooo cute!!!” He was so stirred about this dream more than I have ever seen him before and it stayed with me for a long time. One because at this point in time, Cohen was five years old and didn’t have any idea where babies exited the belly out of and I immediately thought it was weird he mentioned that I “had them in the bathroom” Second, because he was basically in tears that it was a dream and I’ve never seen him like that before and never seen it since. I later told my friend Kimberly about it and said out loud to her “If I ever have twins – one boy and one girl, let it be known my son prophesied it first.” in a serious but joking manner.

Let’s rewind a few months, August 29th, 2020 Shuli and I got married at our home church – Calvary off of croft. Up until this point in my life everything about “my cycle” was completely and totally normal. It arrived every month and when it didn’t for the first time ever, I found out I was pregnant with Cohen so it was obvious why it made a disappearance back then.

However, just like the woman with the issue of blood in the Bible I sudden had an issue of no blood right after we got married. I assumed that I had gotten pregnant right away and I was ecstatic! Shuli and I had known that we wanted to start trying for a baby as soon as we got married because Cohen was five already and it seemed like the perfect time. Well it was my idea of the perfect time. But God’s timing is always better. My cycle didn’t come September, or October so I took a pregnancy test – it was negative. I shrugged it off thinking maybe I tested too soon and surely I had to be pregnant, November came and went, a few more tests later still all negative and around mid December I started to get a little worried why suddenly I wasn’t having a normal cycle anymore. I talked to my friend Blair about it and she said if you don’t get it soon I would make a doctor’s appointment, it’s probably not good to go that many months.

I made an appointment in January 2021 to have some bloodwork and an ultrasound done. The ultrasound showed what I had already told her, there were polyps on my ovaries which is what it should look like if I hadn’t had a period in a long time, she told me that she only needed 2 out of 3 present symptoms to diagnose PCOS and I had 2 out of 3. When I went back to get my results and follow up with the doctor she told me that everything looked ok in my bloodwork except my liver enzymes were pretty high, she didn’t have any real answers as to why but she said for the time being, to be safe let’s put trying to conceive on hold until we figure out what’s going on. She then referred me to gastroenterologist for more testing. The doctor also gave me medicine to take that would force my cycle to come on because it’s not good for your body to go past 90 days and I had exceeded that by then.

I left that appointment somewhat terrified, not because what was said to me sounded all that crazy but because I was a 29 year old with a newly turned 6 year old and a professional Doctor told me something just wasn’t quite right with one of my main organs. Did she tell me it was very serious and give me some life threatening diagnosis? Absolutely not, but my flesh and my imagination went there real quick. In my head, I was already making it out to be undiscovered liver cancer. I called my husband before I even left the parking lot and told him everything that she said, immediately that man of God said “Don’t worry, God is going to take care of this – have faith.” I knew what he was saying I needed to stand on but I was scared and in that moment I also did something kind of smart. I didn’t tell anyone else. I didn’t call my friends I had talked to about my concerns leading up to this appointment, I didn’t call my siblings or my mom, or even our church. I just kept it all in and between shuli and I and his mom because I knew she would stand in prayer for us about it. I didn’t want to tell anyone because I didn’t want to add on any worry, negative what ifs or anxiousness to what I was already experiencing in myself. Also, I had very little answers to begin with. I took the medicine she gave me, she said it could take up to 10 days to come and from there I just waited, prayed and occasionally googled. Unfortunately.

The next month, in February 2021 our church and other churches in the county held a night of worship event at redemption point. I actually wasn’t planning on going, not because I had something else to do but because it just wasn’t something I put down on my calendar to go to. Around mid day I got a text from Pastor Luke, our worship pastor at the time – asking if I was planning on going and if I was able to, if I could take some pictures while I was there. I said “yeah, sure I can do that. ” Shuli stayed home and watched Cohen and I went alone. It was a night to remember, for more reasons than just mine. The presence of God was so thick it felt like standing in a room full of honey; It was warm and the singing was harmonious and it really felt like we were all standing there, worshipping amongst angels at the feet of the Lord together. I took some pictures around the room and when I felt like I had enough I stopped and just worshipped in front of the stage for a while. My pastor, Ottis – got up on the stage and said this: “Someone in here just got a liver diagnosis” *Pause* My mouth dropped open, my hand shot up in the air and tears filled my eyes. I walked toward the stage gaping at Pastor Luke who made eye contact with me and his mouth dropped open and Ottis continued with eyes closed “God is going to heal you. The doctors are going to say everything is within normal measurable amounts.” Anyone who wants to tell me God is not real has obviously never stood in a room full of people who never could have known something about you. And then exactly what you’ve been going through only in your own heart and mind comes out of someone else’s mouth. I am beyond blessed to say this isn’t the first time God spoke to me this way, it was the second. I went up to Pastor Luke and Ottis after the service ended and told them what the Doctor had just told me, and what was unbelievable about this night was that I wasn’t even planning to be there; but God knew how to get me there, because he needed me to know. The next morning I woke up to blood for the first time in six months. Sorry TMI, I know. Coincidence? I think not. I can’t tell you how happy that night and morning made me. How seen and loved I felt. How at peace the whole thing seemed now that I knew God was going to heal me or even just that he let me know I wasn’t going through it by myself.

A few days later that same month, I had the appointment with the gastroenterologist. I sat in the car and prayed before I went in, declaring over myself what God had said through Ottis, that he was going to heal me, and to not be afraid of what it looks like right now. The first appointment was all questions and then an ultrasound on all my organs was done a few weeks later. The following appointment was the results of everything. Again, I was told my liver enzymes were elevated, I had a large amount of fat stored inside of my liver but so far no scarring yet, in fact he also said that the only thing that could happen next would be scarring, so I was diagnosed with fatty liver disease in that appointment. Everything else was fine, my kidney’s, spleen, no hep or autoimmune diseases…the doctor then said there’s nothing I can give you for this, you just have to be consistent with exercise and change your lifestyle to a low carb diet.

I went back to my gynecologist to tell her what had happened at the gastroenterologist, and she nor him could really make sense of why this was suddenly happening to my enzymes and how It was affecting my cycle but she instructed me do the same thing, exercise, eat right and scheduled for me to come back in six weeks.

Shuli and I started going to the gym, I tried to limit my processed foods as much as possible, I cut down on drinking so much Dunkin’ coffee because at this point in my life I was heavily addicted to having a super sugary iced coffee every few days. Addicted, addicted; like headaches without it addicted – The next few months my cycle came, not always on time but I knew God was working on it because it didn’t make a long disappearance again. I started going to daily prayer regularly and I kept praying this prayer throughout this whole journey of uncertainty. “Lord, give me a normal cycle every month or give me a baby, I want your will for my life and not my own.” I went back to my doctor a few more times in the next year but never the gastroenterologist, it was pretty much the same thing every time. She told me to let her know if my cycle disappeared again for more than 90 days and checked my weight. I tried to be better and stay consistent but I could never really find a groove, I’d like going for a few days and then I would get busy and need that time to be spent at home editing and skip the gym, over and over this cycle would happen. Still, I felt partially healed even if my enzymes weren’t where they should be, my cycle was coming consistently(ish) and that was the only part that I ever noticed being different anyway. God said he was going to heal me so I just kept trusting and believing in that.

In November of 2021, I had yet another appointment to do more bloodwork – I could have seen the results posted on my portal but honestly I didn’t even think about it because I knew I would be back in 3 months anyway so I would just hear about it then.

January 2022, what a huge, blessed month of my life! I’ll talk about why it was a little later because that’s a whole other testimony in itself. I can’t help but know why it was though, we started it as a church fasting for two weeks; and in that time I really fasted for the first time. I didn’t just give up eating. Suddenly, I was attacked with fear about my liver just completely shutting down and I sought God for healing, I cried out for it, I read a book about the Holy Spirit Ms. Gayle gave me. I leaned into fasting in a way I never did before. GLORY TO GOD. My appointment came to hear the results and do my weight check in as usual and as I sat there waiting to hear that everything was still the same, she instead said “So, here are the options for what we can try for medications to help you get pregnant.” I was immediately confused because the last conversation we had about this ended in “Let’s put this on hold.” And my eyebrows must have given that away because then she said “Didn’t you see your results on the portal? Everything is totally normal.” I said “No, I didn’t look at anything.” to which she replied “Hold on, let me go get them because now I’m second guessing myself.” She came back into the room, flipping through papers and said again “Yeah, everything is within normal measurable amounts.” My eyes started to water as I just sat there and replayed that night at redemption point in head, almost a complete year ago. The same exact words that came out of Ottis’s mouth came out of hers. How good is God!

Bonus testimony: Shuli and I had been searching for our first home for a long time, we considered buying a new build in citrus springs but I hated the idea of having a postage stamp amount of back yard. Every house that came on the market just wasn’t right for us; so we were considering asking our land lord if we could buy the house we had been renting for the past 3 years. During this same month January 2022, and during that fast; Shuli wrote up an email to send to Wayne but he heard God tell him to wait until I read it too to send it. After daily prayer that morning, he gave me his phone to read it and right then my dad called. He said “Taylor, there is this block house that’s for sale 3 minutes right down the road from me. It’s a three bedroom, two bath on 2.5 acres all fenced in and it has a carport and a barn. You have to go get in there and see it.” It’s almost too crazy to believe right? But it happened like that. On our 6 year anniversary of being together, January 23rd – we were under contract for that house, and every roadblock and hurdle we met along the way, God made a way in the wilderness to overcome. And thus started a whole other journey of becoming homeowners for the first time and taking on a fixer upper.

Walking into February 2022, I was suddenly, miraculously, and unexplainably back to normal – my bloodwork was normal, my cycles were coming pretty regularly and all I had done was go to God about this. I felt so amazed by his love and mercy towards me and I was so full of faith. I wish I could say that I made camp on that mountain top and never came down but the Lord knows there were ebbs and flows that awaited me. Shuli and I started trying for a baby again and one of the lows I faced was with every negative test I started to feel more and more rejected, not from Shuli but from the idea of becoming pregnant again. Also everyone and their mother was getting pregnant around me, so I cracked open that little door called jealousy and started complaining to God “Everyone else can make a baby, Why not me? *SMH* ye of little faith, Taylor – Pastor Mackenzie said it best at our last impact conference (2023) “When you open a door, you don’t get to choose what walks through it.” I feel that now looking back at last year, a lot of things started to happen; the enemy started to plant seeds in mind about why it wasn’t happening, that it was my fault because I wasn’t healthy anymore, I didn’t read the bible enough, or that we were parenting Cohen wrong, a lot of strife started to happen in my marriage and it was just overall, anything and everything “My fault” why we weren’t getting pregnant.

Around July of 2022 I guess God had, had enough of that. And while I was in Virginia photographing camp impact for the first time God again spoke through pastor Ottis. He got on stage and said “This is weird because I’m at a youth conference, but I have a word for mothers in the room – if you’re trying to have a baby raise your hand.” So I did, and Keagan who was standing right next to me ironically, did too. The only two hands up in the whole room. He said “This is not your fault, this is going to be for the glory of the Lord.” Immediately, mental and emotional weight lifted off of me and I didn’t even realize until that moment how heavy what I was carrying around was. Suddenly, I was free again. Why it was all happening this way I still didn’t understand, but I didn’t care because God said it was not my fault and that’s all that mattered to me. My husband got to witness that moment too this time, and that felt really, really good.

I went home from that trip so at peace again, that simple little phrase “This is not your fault.” hit my heart in the best way and just lingered around for me. Anytime Satan would come knocking, it stood at the door way and dispelled any thought that went against it. I hung on so dearly to it and it really steered me back into the right direction. I had told my family about all the liver stuff after God had healed my enzymes, so they were now aware and happy for me. My sister Cassidy knew that Shuli and I were trying to have a baby and had been since we got married but there was a lot going on right now – we started renovating as soon as we closed on the house which was in May 2022 and officially moved in June 26th 2022 the same day I left for Royal kids camp for a week – sorry honey.

Fast forward to September 2022 Cassidy tells us she’s pregnant, how exciting!! This pregnancy announcement I wasn’t focused on what I didn’t have, I was feeling blessed for what I did. I had God’s reassurance, I had healthy bloodwork, I had the yard and the fixer upper of my dreams, I was about to have a new niece or nephew and I had Cohen and if he was the only baby shuli and I were ever going to raise that was enough. Lord, whatever your will for my life is I want that, became my constant prayer again.

I don’t remember when I started the class “ears to hear” – September or October 2022? It was right after Cassidy told us she was pregnant. My brother Jacob took the class with me. The very first lesson Pastor Ottis prayed over us that God would release dreams to every person and unlock ears to hear him. I had a dream that night, a dream that I found out I was pregnant while Cassidy was, and instead of being flooded with happiness I had this weird unsettling feeling like I was stealing her spotlight from her first pregnancy or something. Even though, I had been trying and waiting for this for so long I woke up just feeling indifferent about it. Assuming that was just me having a weird dream, I didn’t think anything of it until the next weeks class when I told my brother about it and he said he had a dream that I was pregnant at the same time as Cassidy. I thought, Ok, that’s real strange. That couldn’t possibly be a coincidence. I saw my sister Cassidy that weekend and told her about my dream and how I felt in it, she said “I had a dream like that too, but that would be so cool if we were pregnant together!! I would love that” I was shook. There’s no way all three of us had the same type of dream and that not be from God. With hope and excitement carrying me home, I went right in and took a pregnancy test. Thinking this must be it, my moment has finally come! It was negative. Instead of getting to a low place again, I just said “God, you’re still good.”

Towards the end of the class we had a lesson on true unhindered worship to the Lord. Not singing along to lyrics on a screen in unison but real, authentic, individual, eyes closed praise to God. Pastor Mackenzie was on stage singing, Chris was playing the keyboard and Pastor Ottis told the class “Everyone close your eyes, keep a pen near by, ask God to speak to you and just worship.” I closed my eyes, the song started and I said – in mind – not out loud “God, what do you want me to know? What are you saying to me?” Immediately, with my eyes completely closed I saw Luke 2:12 in huge white font in the blackness of looking at the inside of my eyelids. I could see it so clearly as if I was looking at it on a page. It was the same font I see in the Bible, because it even had the little details of the “feet” on the letter “L” I almost didn’t write it down because I silently second guessed myself, is this really God or is this my own mind? But then I thought, if it was me why wouldn’t I think of a verse I know by heart? Because I really had no idea what Luke 2:12 was. For all I knew it could have said bring your flock to the greenest pastures or something so random like that. So I wrote it down at the top of my paper and just decided after the class I would at least look it up just to see what it was. We worshiped for about 10 more minutes and then pastor Ottis said “This is kind of odd but has anyone in here recently baked a cake in a bundt pan?” And one person raised her hand, and then he said “Actually, anyone in here that has a bundt cake pan come to the front even if you’ve never used it.” So I did, because though I have never used it, I know exactly where it is in my kitchen. He started to prophesy and spoke over three 3 ladies before he stood in front of me, and he said “Taylor, did God speak something to you? Or did you write something down?” I said “Yes I saw a verse, Luke 2:12 – Jacob check the paper.” and he said “Yeah, Luke 2:12.” And then Pastor Ottis said “Do you know what Luke 2:12 is?” And I said “No.” Then he said “Well let’s read it together.” And began reading out loud:

And this will be a sign to you: You will find a babe wrapped in swaddling cloths, lying in a manger.
Luke 2:12 NKJV

I was speechless, there were no words in that moment just tears and utter amazement. God had spoken directly to me for the first time through a verse I didn’t know and saw with my eyes closed. Furthermore, he told Pastor Ottis that I had written something down to ask me about. Like how crazy is that? Not to mention the verse it’s self; so spot on for ME. “This will be a sign to you.” That I hear you, that I will answer you. That I love you and I see you.

Pastor Mackenzie then sang over me and also said “The symbolism of the bundt cake pan is a two part message for you. I feel like the Lord is saying to you yes, a baby is coming like a ‘bundt in the oven’ but also, bundt cakes are a seasonal thing. No one is making bundt cakes all year long, they are for a specific time and purpose; You’ve allowed the Lord to change you, to teach you, to grow you, to mold you over these years and it’s like he’s saying you’re ready now, I’m taking you out of the oven because you were created for such a time as this.

For a long time, since I was about 11 or 12 I dealt with this question of doubt around hearing God that Satan had somehow planted. I remember asking a family friend we occasionally went to church with “How do you know you’re really hearing God and not just your own conscious?” She replied with “You just know.” Which wasn’t very helpful to me at the time and even after I gave my life to Christ in 2016 I still wrestled with that. God was so clearly speaking to me through Pastor Ottis and I knew that, but I couldn’t hear him for myself because that question had embedding itself so deep in my head. That finally broke off of me that night. It was like my ears had been unplugged and were fully operational now, I had a revelation that God wanted and would speak to me directly.

That night while we were packing up I started to really fixate on the word ‘Find’ in that verse he gave me. Thinking there’s so many scriptures that say so and so ‘gave birth to a son’ or so and so ‘conceived and had….’ ect. but the one he gave me said I would FIND a babe. Making me question that maybe I wouldn’t have it by natural standards, perhaps I would find it through adoption or fostering which would be fine with me, Lord your will not mine. Almost as if she had heard what was going on in my mind, Carol came up to me and said “I think the Lord may be opening your heart up to the idea of adoption.” God’s ways are above my ways and I don’t want to make the mistake of leaning on my own understanding; but that word find did make me think about that an awful lot in the next few months.

The class ended in December 2022, some time passed and Cassidy asked me to go with her to an appointment she had in Gainesville while she was pregnant. She like a good sister, tried to convince me to try the medicine the doctor wanted to give me or said maybe Shuli should go to the doctor to get checked out because we were still unsuccessful with getting pregnant. I told her about what had happened that night in class and said “No, if God can give Abraham and Sarah a baby then he can give me one. I don’t want to force anything or think that it happened because of the measures I took in my own hands. If God wants me to be a mother again he’ll give me a baby the old fashioned surprise way.”

*And I just want to add here I am not saying this with any judgement towards fertility treatments or medicine, science is a great tool the Lord uses everyday, you do you – this was just my own personal journey I was on with God.*

January 2023, the inconsistent – but kind of random consistent cycle I had gotten to know in the past year didn’t come the month before and it didn’t come in January. Half of February went by and it still hadn’t come. I cried out to God again “Lord, you healed me from this already. What’s going on? Why is this happening again?” I took another pregnancy test to rule out that being the reason, it was negative. My sister Cassidy told me I should go see her general doctor this time and see if he could run any more in depth tests that maybe weren’t done the first time. I made an appointment to get a whole new panel of bloodwork done with a new doctor. At the end of March 2023 I went back to hear the results. Everything was normal – Praise the Lord. The new doctor told me “Looking at this, I have no idea why you aren’t having a regular period. You aren’t premenopausal, your liver is fine, kidneys are fine, estrogen and progestogen levels are fine…flipping through three pages of tests, everything here looks great. Your cholesterol is a little high but nothing consistent, diet and exercise couldn’t fix. I’m sorry I can’t give you more answers than that, I don’t specialize in hormones I’m just a general doctor. But I could refer you to someone who does.” I was so happy to hear nothing was off again with my liver and I asked if he could prescribe me medicine to take to make my cycle come like my doctor had before. He did and I left. I tried to take that medicine but it made my body feel so strange, like really super sensitive to touch. It was really weird, and I didn’t even finish the script.

April turned into May still no cycle. This time though, I was oddly not worried about it as much or just that I wasn’t focusing all my attention on it. I put my new bloodwork on the fridge like I was 5 years old again and just marveled at it; not sure what to think of not having a period again meant, but so thankful that everything else looked great.

Something new started to happen in May 2023 though, I started to feel nauseous, a lot. Before I would eat something; after I would eat anything. I wasn’t throwing up, but I just felt like an unsettled stomach feeling – frequently; too frequently to be normal. I also started to feel pain, like a sudden cramp in my lower stomach, when I would get up from sitting too fast or sneeze in a wrong position. My heart sank, because I immediately thought I’ve let this no period thing go on too long and now it’s affecting my stomach or ovaries somehow. Shuli kept telling me to take a pregnancy test and I would tell him “No, I’m not pregnant…I just took one a few months ago…it’s always negative.” He also said “Your body is changing and I can see it. I’m telling you, I think you’re pregnant” This new stuff I was suddenly dealing with kept happening right up until I was about to leave for camp impact 2023. Shuli said to me one night just go take one test before you leave, just to make sure. Finally, I broke down – “Alright, I’ll prove it to you then.” I said – it was the night before Father’s Day.

Immediately, two pink lines appeared. One dark and one light, but unmistakably two. I didn’t know what “shock” really felt like until that moment. I was motionless, in utter disbelief – and then my heart started to race a little bit. After all this time, after all these words and countless people praying for me at this point. I had one single positive test sitting in my hands. I started to say “Oh my gosh, oh my gosh…” Read the test result instructions on the box, looked back at the test, read it again to make sure I was actually seeing and reading the same thing. “Two pink lines is a positive result, even if either line is faint” it said. I couldn’t wrap my head around how it was even possible, I hadn’t had a period since November of 2022. But it was there. I started to tear up and just thank God for everything, for walking me through it all. I called Shuli to come in and the sound of my “Babe!!” must have given it away because that little stinker came in with his phone recording like he already knew. We just cried and held each other and stared at those two pink lines like it was the best gift we could ever receive, because it was. I took a second test that night, a different brand because I just had to see it again. Once more, two pink lines popped up almost instantly. How gracious is God, he gave me a baby the old fashioned surprise way just like I said he could to Cassidy.

Father’s Day was Sunday and Monday morning I got on a bus to go to Virginia for a week to photograph camp impact 2023. I spent the whole ride up calling Genesis at every stop trying to make an appointment for as soon as I got back. That was a tricky, frustrating situation because as soon as I told them I hadn’t had a period since November of 2022 they didn’t know what to think or do with me. I wanted to be there that week but I equally also didn’t, because every fiber of my being wanted to run to the nearest ultrasound tech and have them really prove to me that I was pregnant, hear the heartbeat, see an actual baby on the monitor all those things to put me at ease. The first day of camp, Pastor Ottis preached on the conjoining message of the woman with the issue of blood and Jairus’ sick daughter. “Don’t be afraid, just believe” became my own personal mantra out of that message and for the whole week. I told Pastor Ottis and Mackenzie in private about my two positive tests because I really needed prayer for the way that I was feeling inside and also because they were both there that night in ears to hear so of course, they had to be the first to know. It’s crazy to see the timing of how God had this all play out. I was in that same church building getting a word that this was not my fault, and it was going to be for the glory of the Lord exactly a year ago. Except this time I was standing in there pregnant, with only a photo of two positive pregnancy tests on my phone. However, the timing was only about to get crazier.

A few days after I got back, I went to the doctor. She told me just to establish how far along you are, we’re only going to take a little peak and then next week come back for a more in depth ultrasound. I was 9 weeks pregnant and the heartbeat was a strong 173. Best sound/feeling/news I’ve ever heard. The following week we took Cohen with us, he got to see the baby in mama’s belly. Such a special day for our family, he was thrilled! He’s wanted a brother or sister for so long and we just kept saying God will give us one in his time, not ours.

I was 11 weeks almost 12 when I told my family, and the same day we announced it – to my surprise, Olivia, my other sister announced she was pregnant too! She’s due January 15th and I’m due January 28th. In addition to her and I being pregnant, Shuli’s sister is also pregnant now too!! Due a few weeks after me. What in the world!!

Remember that weird dream I, Cassidy and Jacob all had? Cassidy’s baby was born May 5th 2023 and wasn’t yet 10 weeks old, when I told them I was pregnant, so not only am I pregnant at almost the same exact time with Olivia but all three of us were pregnant together for a couple weeks before Hadley was even born; unbeknownst to any of us at one point. That is just *MIND-BOGGLING* to me.

A couple weeks later we found out on July 28th that Olivia is having a boy and a couple more weeks after that we went and got a gender scan done – didn’t see the results because Shuli’s birthday is August 20th so I said we’ve waited all this time, let’s wait just a few more weeks to find out on his birthday; and on August 20th 2023, nine days shy of three official years of trying for a baby we found out we’re having a little girl!!!! My heart is so full, if it could leak it would. God, you have been so good to me. So exceedingly and abundantly more good than I could ever ask or imagine. When that tennis ball popped revealing the pink smoke inside, I couldn’t help but think of Cohen’s dream all those years ago and about the babies he saw; one girl, one boy and what I was thinking had to be twins; maybe God showed him a future moment in time of Olivia and I’s babies together. No way to know for sure, but it’s possible…I’m a firm believer in God speaking to me through dreams now.

I know this was a lot, and if you didn’t lose interest or track along the way of this crazy up and down long winded testimony I congratulate you on finally making it to the end. Thank you for taking the time to read this and I hope it brings you some encouragement if you find yourself in a similar situation. Or if you are in a completely different type of disaster and you’re wondering where God is in the midst of it. I promise you, whatever you are walking through you aren’t walking through it alone. There is a God who knows you, sees you and is longing to have a relationship with you. Let my story be the thing that stands in the way of your doubt, if he could heal me why wouldn’t he heal you? If he would talk to me why wouldn’t he speak to you? If he could give me a baby why wouldn’t he do it for you too? That’s who he is, and what he does. Grab hold of that promise that he has a plan and purpose for your life and start doubting your doubt!!!

Be blessed,

Xo Taylor